You know who you are. The man who has an excuse for everything wrong in his life. The man who blames everyone but himself for his problems.
I used to feel guilty that I ever knew you. That I made poor choices and ended up pregnant. That I didn’t see a 31 year old with no future plans and plenty of failed as a red flag. I made a mistake and I had to pay for that. But not her.
I used to feel sad for my daughter, that one day she might wonder what she did wrong. That she might feel sad that you didn’t love her the way a father should.
I used to question if I was right in pushing you to soon. Because if I didn’t do that, maybe you would have stayed around...But I know in my heart why I did it...
You would say you cared. She is yours so I wanted you to prove it. I wanted you to fight for your time with her and go to any length to be in her life. That’s what a parent does.
But I could see how thin the strings were that connected you to her, while you boasted they were strong.
I could see how little you cared while you yelled about how much you did. So instead of watching you drag her by that thin string as she grew up, I pushed on them a little.
You said you loved her and would do anything for her... But the moment there was any pressure those strings broke.
That is why I am stronger than you. I chose to take the burden of her pain so she wouldn’t have to later on. I held my 8 month old baby waiting for your visits that you didn’t come to.
I got the excuses that you couldn’t visit because you were tired, or had laundry to do. I listened to your promises of tomorrow and that you will be better. I took your anger, your threats, your scary, and I took the endless apologies. I took it all while looking into the eyes of a baby girl who deserved more.
You say I took her away from you and it’s my fault. But you took her away from yourself. I made you have to try because I knew you wouldn’t. I took all the pain so she wouldn’t feel the disappointment of a visit skipped when shes 1,2,3,4,5...the birthdays missed the holidays forgotten. I took it so she wouldn’t hear you say you love her but not show it. I took it so she wouldn’t be taught that SHE isn’t as important as drugs, or money, or even your dirty laundry... I took it all so she would never look at herself as insignificant or not enough.
Thank you for leaving and for showing me I made the right choice. Thank you for proving to me that my daughter would have suffered knowing you. Thank you for never changing, for continuing to do what you do. Thank you for leaving so her real Dad could come into her life & thank you for giving me validation that at 20 years old, I was smart enough to see through you.
I have come to terms with the fact that when I look at her I will see you and I don’t have to fear that. I will remember you when I hear her laugh, or look at her from a certain angle and recognize your features. I have accepted that she has life because of you...So I thank you for giving her that. Thank you for leaving her and never looking back, because I would much rather be working through forgiveness to gain freedom than trying to help her do it.
My daughter has her daddy, who builds her up and treats her like a princess. Who takes her places and keeps his promises. Who calls her beautiful and shows her unconditional love. Who provides for her and teaches her how to be successful in life through hard work. My daughter believes in herself and has no limits. She is happy and confident and she knows she is loved and that is only because she has never met you.
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